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The Commitment Conundrum: What am I afraid of?

Us free spirits, seekers and seers of truth and champions of growth – struggle with commitment. It's an ongoing dance for me & my brilliant netowrk.

That elusive yet essential ingredient in the recipe for success and fulfilment. If we allow it, the commitment trigger can be a journey deep into the recesses of our minds and hearts, but are we ready for it?

Fear holds us back from committing and we know it.

It holds back our relationships, business, hobbies, dreams.

What we do with it – is a choice.

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The Dance of Commitment

Commitment – a word that elicits a myriad of emotions, from excitement to trepidation, from anticipation to resistance.

If how we do one thing is how we do everything – if we’re not committing in business, we’re not committing in relationship. If we’re not committing to our self care, we’re not committing to our future wellbeing.

Why is it that humans find it so darn difficult to commit, especially when it comes to the things that matter most?

We are afraid!

It’s a natural process that lies within the intricate labyrinth of our brains. It seems when we're faced with the prospect of commitment, our brain goes into overdrive, activating all the regions associated with decision-making, reward processing, and emotional regulation.

We base our thoughts and stories and mental loops around past beliefs, and we act from there.

We get the auto fear response, and freeze, or fawn. Fight, or flight.

Round and round we go.

Until we choose to stop.


The Neurobiology of Commitment

It's a thing.

Biology shows us that when we struggle with commitment, our brains undergo a complex interplay of neurotransmitters and neural circuits. The amygdala, our brain's fear centre, lights up like a Christmas tree, flooding our system with stress hormones and triggering the fight-or-flight response.

These patterns are in our DNA since childhood, it’s natural to us. It’s just not always activated in the best context.

Meanwhile, the prefrontal cortex – the seat of rational thinking and self-control – engages in a tug-of-war with the limbic system, which governs our emotions and instincts. It's a battle between our logical desires for growth and our primal fears of failure and rejection (or success).

We get into a left brain/right brain battle.

But they say - knowledge is power.

Know Thyself.

By understanding the inner workings of our brains, we can begin the self enquiry to unravel the mysteries of commitment and pave the way for self regulation, habit shifts and lasting change.

tree roots

The Roots of Resistance

It’s a shady place to delve into the murky depths of our psyche and explore the roots of our commitment phobia. Often our aversion to commitment stems from childhood trauma, conditioning, or deeply ingrained beliefs passed down through generations and even lifetimes.

Perhaps we were taught that success is fleeting, that failure is inevitable, or that vulnerability is a sign of weakness.

These old tunes play on repeat in our marvellous minds, holding us back from fully embracing our potential and stepping into our power.

Accountability carries connotations of judgement and a daily practice of it initially sounds horrendous to the free spirit.

But – the past mindset does not need to dictate the future. Our belief around failure is a choice. We could see it as an opportunity for growth. How do we know what to change unless we dip into the experience and try it?

We have the power to rewrite our stories, to challenge our limiting beliefs, and to forge new mental pathways of possibility.

We have a choice.

man lunging

The Power of Incremental Commitment

So, how do we overcome our resistance to commitment when we just wanna free flow?

Or when we hit resistance and procrastinate.

It’s in the simple yet profound act and daily accountability practice of taking one tiny next step.

Maybe you are committing to something you don’t actually want. In which case – get your brave pants on and self enquire what you really want.

Only committing to the next step will give you that decision making strength you are looking for.

A decision is just a decision.

The next step is just the next step.

There is no right or wrong or should.

Behavioural and habit changes are like a muscle – the more we exercise it, the stronger it becomes. By committing to one small action, whether it's sending that email, making that phone call, or taking that leap of faith, we begin to build momentum and cultivate a sense of agency over our lives.

We start to see ourselves are creators of our reality.

Each tiny victory serves as a stepping stone towards greater heights and true self development and realisation.

Each little dopamine hit gives us a rewarding confidence boost, paving the way for a life filled with purpose, passion, and possibility.

Step by step through self discovery we've transformed our fears into fuel, our doubts into determination, and our dreams into reality.

You create your reality.

But we do have to take the step.




A daily practice.

If we really want to progress – we need to commit to take the next action step.

That’s all. Just the next step.

person on a bus

Embracing the Journey

As we navigate this uncomfortable and rewarding roller coaster of commitment, let's remember to approach ourselves with compassion, patience, and grace.

Change is rarely linear, and setbacks are simply detours on the path to growth.

The beginning and end of the week are perfect milestone markers to celebrate our victories, no matter how small, and learn from our failures, no matter how painful.

It is in the crucible of challenge that we discover the true depths of our resilience and the boundless potential of our spirit.

Embracing the Unknown

Committent does not mean you are setting anything in stone. It doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind. It means you’ve taken a step towards something you believe you really want. You only find out if it’s really the right thing by daring to take a step closer. Putting if off just creates heart ache.

It’s an unknown journey. We can choose to embrace the unknown with courage, open hearts and open minds, knowing that each step we take brings us closer to the life we've always dreamed of living.

Taking action on the dream.. not just dreaming it and waiting for a sign.

It’s just the next step, the next hour, the next move, it’s not the whole mountain – relax, lighten the load.

Commitment is not a destination it’s an unpredictable journey – of self-discovery, growth, and transformation.

And we are never alone.

I offer 1:1 coaching around all this and more

I have an accountability group at 9am Mondays you may like

I also have free resources you can download at;

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