Rejection comes from the Latin word rēicere which translates as “to throw back.”
We feel thrown back into the murky corners of self doubt, despair and longing.
They say the dark times teach us our biggest lessons, and aren’t ‘they’ spot on.
Rejection is one of our primary fear stories and most of us carry a childhood trauma echo/wound/scar of being pushed away, when all we want to do is love and be loved.
Humans are so sweet by nature and we want to share that sweetness. I want to share that.
So when we get rejected we grieve. We feel it, we allow it, we have to. I have to.
The anger, resentment, grief. Our ego has been battered and it’s completely valid to feel this. We are here to feel our way through, fully really and truly feel. Really getting into the fullness of the emotion, not distracting from it, numbing or bypassing.
Get courageous and fully feel.
Vulnerable, raw and messy.
Our heavy beautiful sorrowful hearts and our complex miracle minds. Plugged into these beautiful bodies and driven by an unknown force. Programmed to ‘be’ a certain way, surfing a myriad of emotions, situations and dimensions.
How much can we achieve, desire, endure?
I certainly keep testing myself.
I choose to do that, because I want to feel life.
I want to taste the many delicious and the bitter flavours. I want to paint with the full spectrum of colours.
I want to leave the space better than I found it, with a shine ideally.
I want to see the sparkle in your eyes and the whites of your teeth when you laugh so delightfully.
I want to love everything in my life, everyone I have the opportunity to meet and interact with.
So when the dreaded day arrives that rejection comes knocking, it’s an unexpected blow yes.
Most big changes are.
But - it looks like the sun is still setting, and will rise again.
The sky hasn’t caved in, and I am still breathing.
As I ride the waves of bitterness I reflect and contemplate my best strategy for self healing and thought it could be cathartic to share, and might even inspire someone.
Note to self (and reader):
· Remember Rejection is just the story
· It might not even be your story.. are you entangled in unnecessary drama?
· It’s not personal. Everyone has their individual unique perspective and reality
· Remember the bigger picture. You are not this body, this story, this illusion. Remember the Light that you are
· Remember how far you have come, how much you have achieved
· Breathe your way through each moment, each step, it will pass
· Self care self care self care. All the way. All day. Repeat
· Support network – call friends (try not to get caught in the loop of the story)
· Do what YOU love
· Know you ARE love
· Connect with your divine truth. Tune in. BE
· Journal, write, doodle, create. Every day
· Breath work. Consistent daily practice (high on your own supply style)
· Cold showers and body care routine (just do it)
· Move the body (dance, walk, skip, stretch)
· Walk in Nature. Get bare foot. Hug trees. Thank the land. Offer to the earth
· Yoga asana every damn day, just get on the mat and move
· Smell the flowers. Breathe in their colour
· Be of service (don’t be a hero though.. gently serve to keep Love flowing)
· Share your feelings
· Know you are loved. Really – you are so loved
· Write a gratitude list. There is so much to be grateful for. Allow gratitude to flow
· Rest. Sleep. Rest
· Get out. Go somewhere. Anywhere
· Watch a comedy
· Release. Cry, rage, shout, run. Release
· Read. Read a book. Pick up a favourite good for you kind of book
· Cook. Eat well. Nutrient rich foods. Definitely cacao
· Ceremony & Ritual. Keep offering. Keep Love flowing outward
· Be Kind to Yourself. Sweet soul, be kind to yourself
· Self talk – what is the internal dialogue? Check in constantly and be nice
· Stay open to receive (I know I am worthy)
· Affirmations & Mantra. Sing in loving devotion. Keep Love flowing
· Remember everything happens for a reason. Everything carries a gift for growth
· What is your purpose, are you on Dharma
· What does my soul need from me right now?
· What makes my heart sing? Do that. Keep Love flowing
· Visualise. The dreams, see them, be them, create them
· Never Give up
· You’re a walking miracle
· Commit to YOURSELF
· Trust the process
There are infinite ways we can support ourselves to navigate the storms and rough tides.
Rejection is a complete shitter let’s face it. However much shadow/inner child/inside job/whatever kind of work we have done on ourselves, or how much therapy and healing we have had. However much you think you know, how advanced on your spiritual path you are, regardless of your daily meditation practice and white robes, shit still happens.
Rejection is painful.
We are fallible human beings.
However, in the wake of rejection and a bruised heart and ego, owning my emotions, taking responsibility for my choices and actions, and these self care practices are keeping me steady and guiding me through a potential shit storm.
In the midst of anger and bitterness I find the eye of the storm that hosts compassion and forgiveness. It's not easy and it's not nice. But my soul is singing - this is healing, growth, evolution.
The daily practices bring me into my body, and out of the stories of the mind.
(I have the ability to create a multitude of simultaneous stories about something that’s not even a thing.. let alone when there is a thing).
So having a body awareness is essential for me, I don't want to be out of it, I don't want to escape it. Whatever I can do to soothe, nurture and lift my heart. Mother myself. I allow myself time and space to grieve or be angry when it’s needed.
I hurt to my core, when it’s needed. Then I have to find that balance point (has anyone ever really nailed that?) between feeling it, and not wallowing in it. Because I admit, like a bit of that too.
Great excuse for chocolate, wine and a cheesy movie.
But it tips the scale when cabin fever hits and self doubt and isolation begin to creep in. The self-discipline and subsequently the practices slip. The mental turmoil starts to manifest in the body as illness.
Self care is essential, it's not just a buzz word.
The gentle nurturing and space that only you can give yourself. No-one else could ever give you the love you can nourish yourself with.
Your life force.
So as I write this at what some may call mid life (45 and thriving) I am finally learning rejection is a gift. It’s a key to the door of the greatest self love story you could ever live. I could ever live. We could all live happily ever after, after all.
Rejection. It’s different for everyone.
BUT I do know, that there is always a Breakthrough. Always.
The anticipation of that, is another little lift of the heart. Big lift, actually.
There is a big sigh of relief, a lightness and a space created for new. There is forgiveness and compassion, there has to be.
You are never alone, you are always supported.
We can support each other.
The world does not end at rejection and it’s going to be ok.
(Artwork by Sandra Knego, Vincent Kennedy, Josephine Wall)