You’re never alone in the murky waters of avoidance, much as you'd love to be.
Decision making, questioning the intuition, and the art of trusting ourselves to make the right move is a common condition.
My personal speciality is avoidance.
It's rooted in a childhood pattern of running away. As a child, I escaped danger so it served me well. As a young adult I ran a mile from everything uncomfortable, and wondered why I couldn't get close to anyone, or communicate clearly.
Sometimes even now, I choose to use it as a tool and even super power to support my boundaries.
Sometimes though.. I’m still blind to it.. which has led to unhealthy anxious/avoidant relationships, which in turn breeds resentment and all the other toxic stress behaviours we attach to.
That’s the beauty of this self development and self awareness game. We get to choose, and we learn how to self regulate - before the frustration and stress hits red.
The Dance of Avoidance
I invite it - then Avoid it.
How many times have we found ourselves trapped in this vicious cycle? Whether it's avoiding tough conversations, dodging daunting tasks, or sidestepping life-changing decisions, avoidance seems to be a common default mode of operation.
But – avoidance is not the enemy.
It's simply a symptom of something deeper lurking beneath the surface. It's a defense mechanism, a coping strategy designed to shield us from discomfort, vulnerability, and uncertainty.
These coping strategies, when we get aware of them, can be used as a super power and channelled into our lives in a very useful way.
Relating, Business, Family, Finance
How we do one thing is how we do everything.
Which is a bit of a sting to self witness and own.
In the arena of life, we encounter countless opportunities to either lean into discomfort or retreat into the safety of our cosy comfort zones. Whether it's navigating the risky waters of business, the complexities of social interactions, intimate relationships, money - grappling with our own inner demons, the choice is ours to make.
But how do we trust ourselves to make the right move?
How do we know if we've made the right decision?
These questions do haunt us and the inner critic loves to make a spin, whispering doubts and insecurities into the recesses of our minds. Subconscious patterns and beliefs from childhood surfacing and sabotaging.
Listening to the Signs
So, we wait.
We observe patience. Ouch!
We set our very clear intention, we take the first action step, and we listen – to ourselves.
Listen inwardly – because when we share our thoughts & desires, other well meaning people (and possibly not so well meaning) will have an array of ideas for you and before you know it, you’ve gone off piste again.
Listen to YOU.
We wait for a sign, a signal, a cosmic confirmation that we're on the right path. But in our quest for certainty, we often overlook the most obvious sign of all – our intuition.
The signs are everywhere, all the time.
All we need to do is slow down. Pause. Take solitude and quiet the noise of our minds and listen to the truth of our hearts. Our intuition, that gut feeling, that inner knowing – it's our compass in the wilderness of indecision.
Nature is a massive help with this process. She softens us, opens us, allows us to connect with who we really are.
Trusting the Inner Voice
But how do we trust that inner voice when our heads are swirling with doubts and fears?
How do we navigate the labyrinth of our minds and emerge victorious on the other side?
The answer lies in the simple yet profound act of stopping, pausing. Stopping the noise and busy-ness to breathe, to walk, to visit a tree, to get grounded.
Come into the body.
Come into the heart centre.
Come out of the spiral of the stories in the mind.
Stopping to ask ourselves:
What am I feeling here?
Where does it come from?
What do I need?
‘Know Thyself’ – from this great wisdom, we realise we already have the answers we seek. We totally and utterly really do.
Harnessing the Power of Intuition
This isn’t just a fluffy rhetoric. Scientific studies have shown that when we trust our intuition and make decisions from a place of inner knowing, our brains release a flood of neurotransmitters associated with confidence, clarity, and well-being.
Dopamine, the reward hormone, floods our system, giving us a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. Serotonin, the mood stabiliser and happy hormone, soothes our nerves and calms our anxieties. And oxytocin, the love hormone (hugs offer a big release of this), fosters feelings of connection and trust.
So, should you find yourself frozen at the junction of indecision, or avoiding choosing the direction - remember: Life is a dynamic dance of constant change, and we are the choreographers.
We run the show and decide how the delicious work of our destiny is played out.
Knowing thyself is also about feeling safe and secure in the body. A strong daily (especially morning) practice that can help us to get rooted and grounded in the body, gives us a great foundation of safety to work from.
This self development and level of self trust doesn’t just arrive one day – we have to cultivate and nurture it. We can do that by designing our lifestyle in a way that best serves us, and those around us. Believing and trusting in our own ability and potential is a muscle that we can strengthen – with consistent daily practice and dedication.
It takes self realisation, self awareness and determination.
Trust yourself to make the right move, even if it feels scary or uncertain. Because that one little step, that tiny decision, is gonna make you feel something. Listen to that feeling.
Is it guiding you towards expansion and growth?
Or is it urging you to pivot and change direction?
And what happens then? Have you failed if it doesn’t feel good?
NO! You just open another new door and try that, until it does feel good.
You know when you know.
The Simple Truth
The complexity of our nature to avoid the things we don’t like, and freeze or spin out when making decisions is actually not as mysterious as we think.
We over-think.
It’s a very simple truth: Life is not happening 'to' us, but 'for' us. We are the architects of our reality, we have the ability to shape our world.
When we lean into discomfort, embrace uncertainty, and trust our intuition, we allow life to guide us towards the way we've always dreamed of living. It’s totally possible, to walk directly into the very thing we are avoiding – and realise it actually carries significant gifts and direction.
It’s easy to say – but it’s just the next small step. That move will start a momentum when the timing is right. All we need to do is listen, trust, and move with grace and courage.
We are all capable of that.
I'm a mindset coach and offer 1:1 sessions & programs around all this and more 👉clarebelmont.net